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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The best that I can be

Mummy truly wishes she could breastfeed you.

There was some complications in the beginning. I think I introduced the bottle to you too early. This caused a little nipple confusion. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. I don't know. I wish people were more encouraging. I felt like I was starving you. Never really knew if I had enough to give. You were hungry so soon after a feed. You couldn't latch on properly. Of course none of this is your fault. I did not provide you much to latch on to. You seemed so frustrated.

Now there is no supply and no demand (for my breast) neither. You are 100% on formula. It tears at my heart, thinking that I could not do this for you. I could not give you the one thing that only a mother can give. The one special thing that only the two of us can share. My privilege for my baby! I want that bond so much. I want you to need me and I want to be there for you. In that way that only I can. I cry inside when I am reminded that this is something I cna no longer do for you.

Mummy feels like she's lost that chance. I love you beyond words or expression. I love you unconditionally. You bring new meaning to the word love. To loving another. I want you to know that and remember it always.

1 comment:

farrahar said...

hi puei,

i feel your pain. maybe there's still hope, but you will need to try hard and have faith. many mothers have the same problem as yours.

probably you can try susuibu.com and look up in their forums. i read that you can try drinking air longan kering, do massage, frequent breastpumping sessions, etc.

or get help from lactation counselors like Rita (www.momslittleones.com) and Vivian (www.fabulousmom.com)?

all the best! :)